Saturday, September 17, 2011

The Only Job That Truly Lasts Forever.

I write this blog tonight with the blessing/responsibility/privilege/pain, otherwise known as Motherhood weighing heavily upon my mind.

An absurdly light word for such a heavy thing.

This is a weight I can already perceive eek-ing into my bones... and I don't even have teenagers. And in hopefully unrelated news, I was also not carded while buying wine at Sprout's today. I'm gonna go ahead and call that one coincidence.

This saturated cloud of thinking descended on me rapidly tonight- I think by equal parts of the women in my life becoming mothers: this year, this month, last month, last week, this week, tonight and... actually probably again right now (not an overstatement). Also in part by my viewing The Lion King tonight, (yes I said The Lion King, I don't know what's come over me) but this time as a mother and a parent, instead of a daughter and a child in the audience. And lastly, by said wine purchased today from Sprout's. (By the way- Tisdale California wines are on sale this week 3 for $10. Try the shiraz, it's amazing decanted.)

So now that you know what and why, I'll let the rains fall.

My sister- who was on Life's "Baby Fence" for a period of time, became the most natural and devoted of mothers to my beautiful nephew Jasper last March. Something changed in her. Something that I've never seen before from someone I know so well, and for so long. That made a deep and profound impression on me as I was pregnant myself and gave birth to my daughter, Monroe in June of this year. Maybe at that time something also changed in me that became apparent to others, I don't really know. What I do know is what it felt like after she was here. My little person. Not even going to attempt to describe it. I can't. But all of you other mothers out there reading this know exactly the feeling I'm talking about. That is why this post is for you.

So today, it's on my mind again as I re-meet my friend Emily as a mom for the very first time... clutching darling Dora Jean. And she's decidedly different from the last time I saw her. In a forever kind of way. And tonight as Genna and Ted welcomed their baby boy Braxton- the look in Genna's eyes is already different... deeper. I can see it from just a picture. And I know when I visit Lisa, who is working so very hard right this minute for Violet, it will be no different.

I remember my midwife telling me when I told her I was scared of the pain of childbirth, that the process of birthing your child; however it happens... whenever it happens... is only the first of many tests and pain in this life that you will go through as a woman and mother, for your baby. That stuck with me. I can't help but let it come full circle and think about what I've put my own mother through, and how her heart has ached at my expense. And how that ache probably made the pain of childbirth feel like a day at the spa, comparatively. And then on the converse, how there can also be no greater source of joy. This is the strength in which we women are measured. Motherhood is the greatest gift that also comes with the heaviest price tag, a price tag that we will somehow always, ALWAYS find the emotional bank account to pay. This love transcends everything... even death. It is a never-ending source. I know this because I've tested it.

There's a saying that "the greater the love, the greater the loss", and it is my opinion that there are no truer words that have ever been spoken. It is also my opinion that this fact actually makes mothers the most courageous of heroines, because they readily take on that potential for pain every single day- no questions asked.

Although still new to "the ranks", I have the deepest and most reverential respect for the things, both seen and unseen, that my maternal counterparts have had the heart to endure, as they faithfully fulfill their roles in the only job that truly lasts forever.


  1. I am excited to hear about Genna's little boy...Oh what a great blog.

  2. Cue tornado signal. Moved to tears, I was. Great blog, mama!

  3. I remember having this same revelation about how deeply motherhood transforms and affects well as the hell I put my own mother through at times. Great blog post and nicely written.

  4. I am completely teary reading this! Very moving!

  5. Wow. Thank you everyone! I think I'll re-post this one tomorrow... Thanks for all the delicious feedback/support/encouragement! It is much appreciated!